Regarding the
care and feeding
of infants

My friend Greg recently had a kid. His name is Sam. Sam is four months old. He's pretty cool.

It's last weekend and we're hanging out, and for some reason, I end up with Sammy in my lap and it's feeding time and so I feed him. It's going okay, but Sam just can't get into a groove; every few seconds he moves his head to one side and loses his grip on the bottle and I have to start over.

"Man," I sigh, "can't we make this go any quicker?"

One-beat pause. Then Greg and I look at each other, and exclaim in perfect synchrony,


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